I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
