Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
