so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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