Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize