It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
