Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she peed on how many people?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
