you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is my gift to your gina
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
