after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
