It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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