He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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