highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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