if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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