what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
