She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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