Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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