.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
