i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
