I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
