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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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