The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love having hate sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
