dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
