Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
