I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
