I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's the barista slut.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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