i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
