why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
