I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
love makes seman taste better
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
