Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
