I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
