I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
