Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
