I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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