I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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