I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
