i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i came on her dog
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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