Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
