Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
