Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
