:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
