Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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