like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So vagazzling was a success
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
