I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
