The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
