Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
