First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
