I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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