allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
