Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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