she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
