some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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