you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
