she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize