the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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