I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
