there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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