I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
