Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
