Where is the hickey?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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