i just had sex bonerless
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
