and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
