GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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