I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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