To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
