peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
