They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
