So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
