Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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