thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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