Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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