Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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